Understanding Self Harm
Self-harm is one of the most misunderstood areas of youth mental health, yet it affects thousands of young people across the UK every year.
Recent studies have shown that around 14.5% of Hertfordshire’s young people (aged 11-19) have self harmed. And at GRIT, it is one of the most common signs of struggle among our young people with an average 37% of attendees having experienced self harm.
Each week, our coaches meet young people who are navigating overwhelming emotions, social pressures, and online influences that can make coping feel impossible.
Without ways to deescalate those stresses, many turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms in a way to try and reduce that stress with self harming being one of them.
This blog may be triggering to some readers with themes of self injury, emotional overwhelm and suicide. Please continue reading at your own risk, but if you do find you need support after reading, please contact Samaritans via calling 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org.
If you need immediate, life-threatening support, please contact 999.
What Is Self-Harm?
Self-harm refers to any behaviour where a young person intentionally causes injury to themselves as a way of coping with emotional pain, distress, or intense feelings they don’t know how to manage.
It can include physical harm, restrictive or repetitive behaviours around food, narcotics or other substances, risk-taking behaviours without regard for their personal safety.
While self-harm can look like a physical act, it is almost always driven by emotional overwhelm. For many young people, it becomes a coping strategy, not because they want to end their life, but because they want the emotional pain to stop. In contrast for those struggling with de-personalisation, or feeling so overwhelmed, it could be a way to physically feel something when the world feels numb.
How Self-Harm Impacts Young People
The impact is often far deeper than the physical injury.
Not only is the behaviour or relief short lived, but it can also then lead to:
- Feeling ashamed or guilty
- Hiding injuries and withdrawing from friends or family
- Struggling to focus at school
- Sleep disruption and exhaustion
- Low self-esteem and a sense of losing control
- Exacerbating initial thoughts and feelings that lead to self harm
Self-harm can become a cycle: overwhelming feelings → self-harm → temporary relief → shame → more overwhelming feelings.
This is why early support is vital. With the right tools and safe spaces, young people can learn healthier ways to cope and regain control.
Quick Check in
Reading about, dealing with or supporting someone who self harm(s) can impact our own emotional resilience.
Take a moment to check in with yourself and where you are at, before you continue or support others.
How it all began
The internet plays a huge role in how young people understand and share their emotions, it is a way they connect, express themselves and learn about the world.
Many young people find supportive communities, crisis lines, or mental health resources – like the one’s we have here – to help them feel less alone or overwhelmed.
On the flip side, the online world can have a darker more negative impact for those struggling with their mental health:
- Algorithms can show more harmful content once a young person searches for or interacts with anything related to self-harm or terms relating to that
- “Challenges” and trends can normalise or glamourise self-destructive behaviour.
- Unmoderated spaces (group chats, private servers, anonymous forums) may encourage secrecy or share unsafe methods.
- Image-based social platforms can intensify body image struggles and self-comparison, increasing vulnerability to self-harm.
The digital world shapes identity, relationships, and coping behaviours, which is why supporting young people means understanding both their offline and online experiences.
Our Founder, Dr Louise Randall knew this to be the case when she started the charity back in 2018, having seen for herself the content that was available to young people online around self-harm and the young people she was seeing in her GP clinic.
While the brain is still maturing from ages 11 – 24, young people can find it difficult, biologically and mentally, to disregard the damaging content that is available to them as they’re still working out the world.
And so, Dr Louise Randall wanted to offer alternatives to self destructing behaviours. Instead of hurting oneself in that moment of confusion and despair, offering the opportunity for growth and nurture instead; creating long lasting habits that make the process of ‘growing’ a little kinder and the transition to adulthood a little smoother.
Early intervention is a preventative measure
If a young person isn’t equipped to deal with their mental health growth and struggles, this can lead to longer lasting symptoms and co-morbid disorders
That’s why early intervention is a preventative measure to not only ensuring the best future for a young person, but to ensure no additional diagnoses find their way in.
Self-harm can be associated with:
- Depression
- Anxiety disorders
- Eating disorders
- Borderline or emotionally unstable personality traits
- PTSD or trauma histories
- ADHD and Autism (often linked to overwhelm, rejection sensitivity, or emotional dysregulation)
If self-harm escalates, becomes more frequent, or is part of a wider pattern of mental health concerns, professional support may be needed through CAMHS, school counselling, or specialist services.
Early intervention can prevent long-term patterns from becoming ingrained. Teens respond incredibly well to non-judgmental support, emotional skills training, and above all, environments where they feel safe.
What Parents and Carers Can Do to Help
Thinking about these concerns as a parent or carer can leave you feeling frightened, helpless, worried about what could happen or unsure what to say when you discover or think your child is self-harming.
Here are some tips you can do when approaching this topic with your young person.
1. Ground yourself
A panicked reaction can push a young person into deeper secrecy and strengthen that vicious circle of shame/guilt, overwhelm etc.
Ground yourself in your own feelings first, before approaching in a soft, steady and reassuring way.
2. Acknowledge their feelings
In order to regulate, you may initially try to gain control of the situation and unintentionally say things that push your young person away such as:
“Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling like this? This is so dangerous, how could you? You are so stupid.”
Remember they are overwhelmed with a brain going far faster than their emotions can keep up with. Instead, try:
“Thank you for telling me. It must have been really hard, and I’m here with you.”
3. Avoid blame or punishment
As previously mentioned, there is often a misconception that self-harm is attention seeking or linked to peer pressure. And whilst it can be, realistically no-one who is thinking rationally wants to hurt themselves.
Self-harm is a coping mechanism, not a discipline issue.
4. Create safety, together
Once you have acknowledged the issue, work with your young person to create a safety plan.
This could look like removing objects in their reach that could cause harm, allowing them space to eat where they feel comfortable, having phone-free time each day to check in.
Having a daily routine that encompasses positive reinforcement creates safety, which in turn lessens overwhelm and the space to be more emotionally stable.
5. Explore what’s underneath
Self-harm is rarely “about” the act itself.
When your young person is happy to, gently ask about:
- Stress
- Friendships
- School pressure
- Identity
- Online experiences
- Emotional struggles
It may feel too much to ask them about what’s going on, our anger iceberg resource is a great way for young people to think about what’s going on underneath the surface for them.
6. Offer alternatives
Distraction tools, grounding techniques, creative outlets, cold-touch therapy, or movement can help regulate intense emotions.
We are big fans of incorporating mindful exercises such as meditation and breathwork, in addition to physical exercise allowing young people to make emotions physical and direct of put them somewhere that isn’t at themselves.
Boxing is a great way to do this as it teaches discipline, bravery, strength, resilience, confidence and is hard work too!
7. Reach out for support
As a parent or carer, we don’t always have the answers. Sometimes things get overwhelming for us too, so please ask for help if you are struggling to find a resolution for your young person’s behaviour.
School pastoral teams, GPs, mental health services, or charities like GRIT can help guide young people towards healthier coping.
8. Take care of yourself too
Supporting a struggling young person can be emotionally heavy.
Parents deserve space to process and access support as well.
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At GRIT, we create safe, confidence building spaces where young people can talk openly, build emotional and physical resilience, explore their identity and values, manage emotions safely, and create long-lasting, stronger mental health foundations.
If you or someone you know could benefit from accessing our services due to struggling with self harm, or other mental health struggles please don’t hesitate to reach out here.