The Rules of Your Life
Welcome back to round three of our Joyful January campaign.
Next up, it’s the Referee’s Corner!
When it comes to knowing who you are, the Referee’s Corner is one of the most important places to start. In sport, the referee sets the rules of the ring. They make sure everyone plays fair, understands the boundaries and stays safe. Without a referee, things quickly become confusing, chaotic or even harmful.
In real life, your values act as your referee.
Your values are the principles and beliefs that matter most to you. They guide your choices, influence how you treat others and even shape the direction of your life. Whether you realise it or not, you are constantly making decisions based on your values – from who you spend time with, to how you respond to challenges, to what you say yes or no to.
What is a value?
A value is something that is deeply important to you and helps guide how you live your life. Values are not goals (like getting good grades) but the why behind them (such as growth, curiosity, or responsibility).
Examples of values include:
- Honesty
- Kindness
- Loyalty
- Fairness
- Freedom
- Creativity
- Family
- Courage
- Respect
- Belonging
You might notice that some values stay with you throughout your whole life – these are your core values. Others can shift and change as you grow, learn, and experience new things, and that’s completely normal.
Why knowing your values matters
When you know your values, life becomes clearer. Decisions feel easier because you have an internal guide to check in with. You’re less likely to feel pressured by others and more likely to feel confident standing by your choices. Knowing your values also helps you understand your reactions: why something feels exciting, uncomfortable, unfair or important to you.
When we don’t know our values, we can feel lost or disconnected. We might say yes when we really mean no, follow paths that don’t feel right, or struggle with self-doubt. Values give us a sense of direction and help us live in a way that feels true to who we are.
Shared and different values
We can share the same values as other people, or hold different ones to them. This is often where disagreements with friends, parents, teachers or classmates can happen! One person might value independence, while another values security. One might prioritise honesty above all else, while another places kindness first.
There are no right or wrong values. What matters is learning to respect other people’s choices and trying to understand where they’re coming from. We can have strong, healthy relationships with people who don’t share all our values, as long as there is mutual respect.
Why we’re drawn to certain people
We’re often naturally drawn to people who share similar values to us. This could be friendships where you feel understood, classmates you enjoy working with, clubs or teams that feel like home, or causes you believe strongly in. Shared values create connection and trust. They help us feel safe being ourselves. That doesn’t mean you’ll only ever connect with people who think exactly like you – but shared values often explain why some relationships feel easier and more supportive than others.
When something doesn’t align with your values
Sometimes you’ll notice that a person, situation or action doesn’t align with your values. When this happens, you might feel uncomfortable, frustrated or unsettled.
If this happens, you can:
- Pause and notice how you feel
- Ask yourself which value feels challenged
- Speak up respectfully if it feels safe to do so
- Set boundaries or step back if needed
- Seek support from someone you trust
Listening to your values doesn’t mean judging others – it means taking care of yourself.
In a nutshell, your values are the rules of your life. When you know them, you’re the referee – confident, grounded, and ready to play your own game fairly and safely.
Build your own fighter
Pick your top five values and build the best version of you!
GRIT Build Your Fighter Worksheet.pdf
Next week: Opponents Corner